Losing the edge

As the spring season of sports is coming to a close, I am in need of a short break. My body is rounding into shape nicely, after several months of little activity over the winter, the spring sessions always get me back into shape. But now, it is my mind that is in need of rest.

Some people participate in rec league athletics as a way to exercise, and as I have mentioned, others (like myself) do it to continue competing in some form. Recently I have been putting in the effort, but not seeing the results, which has driven me into a funk.

So far this season I have battled a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs, strained muscles and bruises all over, which comes from the contact sports I play and my advancing age. Ever the athlete, I do not want to use these injuries as excuses for my poor-to-average play. In softball, normally the lead-off hitter and 3rd baseman, play a great first game, but have now had back-to-back weeks of two singles in about fourteen at-bats. Last week I made a phenomenal stop at third, and threw the ball five feet wide and eight feet over the first baseman's head. In volleyball, I had two great kills at the ten-foot line, then for the next hour and a half, couldn't get anything in on a serve or hit, had trouble passing, and wasn't in the correct spot for most games. Soccer is the only thing half-way going well, with two goals and two assists in the past two games, but even there I have missed some easy shots (a penalty shot last game that went three feet left).

I feel lackadaisical while playing. It feels that I'm trying with all my energy, but at half speed. My mind is wandering when I'm not in play. It's almost as if... I don't care. I've been trained to win for so long, that when I find myself drifting off, I pull back and curse myself for not having the 'killer instinct' I use to have. In softball, I'm trying to place my hits, and when it doesn't work, I go into a funk. In volleyball I try to hit harder, and the first time I hit it out or into the net, it gets into my head.

My poor play is getting into my head, and making me play worse, which makes me not want to play. So how do you transition from playing for fun, to playing to win? Our softball team has this problem. Everyone on the team likes to play and have a good time. When we are winning, everyone jokes around and has fun. When we start losing, people start getting on each other, and we start bickering. This is a perfect example of not being able to have it both ways. So how does an individual do it?

Alas, I have not found the answer. This current situation is not an indication that I am losing my athletic skills or due to injury, because I still show flashes of brilliance now and again, and I'm not hurt... it is simply not consistent. Which I attribute to a mental issue. So after this lengthy diatribe, I realize that other things in my life: my family, my relationships, my career, friends... these are the things that weigh on my mind, and direct my focus from being a great athlete, to a wandering mind. In short: I need a break, which is what I intend to do over the next week. All of the teams are on hiatus for a couple weeks, so I will take this time to heal my brain.

- Tom.